Moji ljudi

I grew up in a family where love and laugh, and sincerity and vulnarability aren't welcome to see. I was rejected by my own family. All i wanted was understanding, love, laugh, beautiful life. I am so unhappy here. 

The only place i was able to be who i am was facebook.  My corner. I know my people in Serbia are making laugh at me, but i don't care because i never really cared about them. They are like my family. 

I am much more like you. I am so unhappy here.  I feel repulsive towards my own family. I admit that now.

I LOVE them, but i simply don't want to leave near them anymore. And in Serbia too. They are spreading unhappiness.

NOW I SAID IT AND I AM SO RELIEF.  

<3 Whole my life...i knew that <3

There is no ONE reason to be insecure. I fit with you SO WELL AND GOOD. Like i never did with no one. Yes, i would love some nerd too, but never like this. 

And being nerd and full of knowledge doesn't mean much. It is more important how well are you get along.

We are so good with each other.  

You are the only one in my thoughts and heart.

I love you. 

that doesn't mean nothing! that doesn't mean nothing i listen to that and think how i'm sorry because that doesn't mean anything to me anymore, but it has a lot of emotions and i just imagine, but it doesn't mean anything. towards him.

but doesn't mean anything. i don't love him THAT WAY anymore. 

i love only you 

How he doesn't see how much i love him.

.

Htela to ili ne...Jednom kada nekog zavolis...Volim i nju i Milicu.

Samo, ja sam joj poslala poruku da se ponovo druzimo, i nista mi ne odgovara.

Koliko me je puta sredjivala uvece za izlazak...A KADA SMO KUPOVALI GRICKALICE I POSLE PLAZE JELE I SMEJALE SE U SOBI? 

Ona me i pobedjuje. Harizmaticnija je, ima vise energije, PUNA JE ENTUZIJAZMA, zivota, nasmejana, JA SAM PASIVNA, FLEGMATICNA, DOSADNA. nEMAM PREDSTAVU ZASTO VI MISLITE DA SAM JA NESTO POSEBNO...

Ona je zasluzila moje mesto. I nadam se da ce zauzeti.

Samo ne kod njega, to bi mi srce slomilo...

Sada, ne znam koja se njemu svidja? Nek se izjasni.  

.

.

Today was my brother here, with his girlfriend Milica, my best friend. 

I'm so happy. Maybe i'll get an apartment. I'll take a roomate, and find a job.

I am so happy to have a friend like Milica <3333333333 She is my best friend, with her i am ME, i can talk eith her about EVRYTHING, she is my therapist. 

I lost many friends in my life, but i feel like she is award to me, for all that

I love her so much 

I can't believe how immature i was saying that i don't want children, first of all,to explain

I said that because i couldn't imagine anything! I knew nothing. Then, WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEONE, of course you want to have something of both of you. Of course i WANT to have children. I couldn't imagine...I said that because, to be honest...i imagined something terrible in my future. I couldnt imagine that i would love the father of my child. Even if i don't love i would lov children. But, the point is, I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING. 

I can't believe what just happened. My mum thinks she knows me, my mom thinks i'm a lesbian and that i'm lying to myself. She is my mother and she doesn't know me at all, but i always knew that...All my life i was acting, acting i was more manly, acting i was rough so many years that i'm almost becoming like a man. but, all that time i was acting...

because, i saw she liked me more when i'm not so girly, she 

people are nicer, i never wanted to be someone with whom they will compete. and i'm crying now. who else thinks i'm a lesbian? my mother says i'm lying to myself...but i love men! i LOVE LOVE men. i love everything about them, i feel butterflies..i don't feel anything toward girls.

i was acting all my life, i was trying just for them to be nicer to me 

i just wanted to people around me be nice to me

now i see, even mom realize i am not a lesbian. she somehow understood what Marijana wants about me, and she see that i don't want that. She never knew me, i always knew that...

All my life i was hiding...just to be nice to me. Not to be competition. I speak more rough with Milica, just not to be someone to be jelaous at, someone..i don't know. 

This is so hard. I had to said this, it's much easier to me now.

Now you know. This is so hard.

:)))) ice cream seller, it's nice.  :) Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiy